Heads Will Roll!
by AznSage
Summary: Just a fluffly humor piece I did in English class. Heero seeks revenge from the one who stole his laptop. AU-ish, Relena toture


Heads Will Roll!  
  
Heero stared at the mess created by his roommate in pure shock. There were papers all over the floor, some crumpled, so dog-eared, some eaten? There were pizza boxes as far as the eye could see and laundry was spread throughout the room in a less-than-artistic manner. As Heero started slowly making his way through the room, he muttered curses under his breathe each and every time he had stepped on a slice of pizza or discarded eraser.  
  
After a long and treacherous journey across the wide plain of garbage that was their dorm room, Heero made it back to his bed, where awaiting him was neatness and calm. He flopped down on the soft furniture and threw his shoes off his feet, sighing contently from the release of the confining loafers. Stripping himself quickly of the rest of the school uniform, he changed into his normal T-shirt and jeans, even tousling his hair a little for good effect.  
  
And that's when he noticed. His prized possession was missing. Frantically, he searched every crevice of the room that he would think he'd had placed it, but the search ended, with Heero coming back empty-handed. He needed to find it now or he would go insane. He sighed to himself and decided to take a walk for some fresh air and a breather, he was going to need it if he wanted to think straight without getting mad. The bastard who had taken it would die by his hands.  
  
"Hey, Heero!" He perked up at the sound of his name and looked at the voice that had called him. It was Relena, one of his old friends who had gone to high school with. He might as well ask her if she was here.  
  
"Relena, did you see anyone walk around here with my laptop? It's missing and I suddenly have the urge to destroy something."  
  
She blinked at him, the look of pure confusion on her face, until it dawned on her who had taken it. "Hm.I think I saw Duo run around here with it before. Don't know where he is though. If I see him, I'll tell him that you're looking for him."  
  
Heero shook his head in response. His own roommate had betrayed him by taking away his most prized laptop from him. This only made things more...interesting. "No, don't tell him. As a matter of fact, if he asks about me, tell him that I haven't gone back to the dorm yet."  
  
"Alright, Heero. Just don't do anything stupid. Like trying to kill the poor boy perhaps? It'd make you look very suspicious. After all, everyone loves Duo so very much that it'd be a little more than obvious that he was missing. But, you know how he loves nature so..."  
  
Heero nodded and returned to his room quickly to grab a bite before going out and finding Duo. he was a little confused by Relena's last sentence, but pushed it to the back of his mind. He was going to spy on the boy and find out what was really going on. He glanced quickly at his watch. 12:30 PM. He had a few hours left. Usually, Duo was on the basketball courts by now, but he doubted that he'd be there on this less than usual day. So off he went to question the student body about the whereabouts of his soon-to- be-dead best friend.  
  
After an hour of walking around, Heero found no answers to his questions. He was frustrated to no end by the matter and had wanted to find Duo already to get his laptop back. His wandering thoughts had led him to the meadows in the park outside of the dorms, where he found who he was looking for, a boy with long flowing chestnut hair down to the small of his back. He mentally smacked himself for not thinking to look in secluded areas, but his unconscious mind had taken in account what Relena said and led him there. Despite that, he kept his outer air composed, coughing oh-so- slightly to try and grab the braided boy's attention.  
  
But it didn't. The boy was too busy relaxing on a precarious branch of the old willow tree, legs dangling over the scrawny branch, arms tightly hugging a little black box. The water of the lake right by the willow sparkled and glistened eagerly and the birds were chirping happily around him. His face was serene and the afternoon sun make the light fall on him perfectly.  
  
Okay, so maybe Heero liked him just as much as everyone else and couldn't bring himself to try and kill the boy, but there was going to be some well- deserved revenge anyway. He quietly climbed the tree, careful to make as little noise as possible. Then he pulled his laptop out of Duo's death grip and shoved the braided boy into the water. And ran. Heero ran as fast as he could back to the dorms. Duo was going to be extremely pissed at him, so might as well go back and at least try to make up an alibi. And hide the laptop and pretend to find it the next day. Yes, this is Heero Yuy's dastardly plot. Hey, what'd you expect from a computer science and engineering major?  
  
Back at the lake, or rather in the lake, Duo sputtered and was wide awake. Who would dare wake him up from his peaceful slumber? He angrily swam out and wrung out his braid. The clothes could soak for all he cared. His braid was too precious to ruin with water without the proper care products. And the laptop...  
  
Holy crap. Duo did a double take and jumped right back into the lake to look for it. Unfortunately for him, the lake was deep, deeper than he expected. Not before long, it was too dark to see anything in the water and he was pretty sure that by now, it would have sunk to the bottom and short circuited. Heero might not have killed him before, if he didn't find out, but how do you hide this kind of thing from a guy who loved his laptop more than anything?  
  
Duo sighed and began his walk back to the university dorms. Everyone stared at him curiously and he just ignored them or flipped them off. Once he finally reached their room, he realized that he had yet to think of as explanation for this. Maybe, just MAYBE, Heero wasn't in yet and had not realized that he had taken his laptop? Maybe. If not, then he'd have to face a fate worse than death.  
  
Slowly, he opened the door and peered in cautiously. No signs of Heero. Except that Heero had changed and his school clothes were sprawled across his bed. Duo thought for a moment. The room was not cleaned up like it usually was after Heero came back from classes and lunch, so maybe he was in a rush and only changed and left. He crossed his fingers in the hopes that this was true...  
  
The braided boy grabbed what he considered to be a clean shirt from his mess and stalked over to the bathroom. "Jesus Christ, I gotta clean this place sometime, I'm outta shirts already..." His ears didn't register a click in the door, but he did notice the slamming sound he produced from his flinging the bathroom door shut. "Gotta fix this door sometime too, damn hinges are broken..."  
  
Heero noted the anger in the slam. Well, Heero thought it was directed at him, or whoever Duo thought pushed him into the water. He had taken so long to get back since he had to go hide his laptop in Trowa's room. He tiptoed his way over to his room and changed into a new set of clothes and carefully hid the old ones in the back corner of his closet. Content with the fact that Duo probably didn't know it was him, he thought of how he could explain getting his laptop back. It was stolen from Duo and someone found it in the trash and recognized the funny mecha casing that was uniquely Heero Yuy's? Yes, that could work...the American wasn't too brilliant and these things DO happen...  
  
His thoughts were interrupted with a curt knock on his door. He looked up and found Duo peeking in shyly and shuffling in nervously. Heero put on a mask of anger towards the boy, pretending he just found out that his laptop was gone. He'd tell Duo he pushed him into the water...AFTER he could milk Duo stealing his laptop for all that it was worth.  
  
"Duo..." Before he could say anything else, the braided boy eep-ed and ran out of Heero's room and a resounding slam and click could be heard.  
  
Well...this would make things awkward...  
  
The following two weeks were most definitely odd. The two tensed at the sight of the other, always expecting some sort of torture or other. Fidgeting, chattering teeth, and sometimes even squeaking was not uncommon. Eventually, Heero got his laptop back and decided to finally end this. As funny as it was to see Duo getting all worked up about this, he really did feel guilty about pushing Duo into the lake. He decided to tell him everything this afternoon. And maybe leave out the part about staring at him.  
  
He returned to their dorm room to find Duo pacing back and forth in the main room. As soon as the door clicked open, the ever jumpy Duo grabbed Heero by the knees, pleading "Please don't kill me!!"  
  
Heero stared at Duo quizzically and smirked. He was thinking of saying the same thing too. "Actually, Duo, I should be the one saying that."  
  
"Huh?" Duo confused expression showed just that and Heero explained in full detail about everything. When the American finally got all the information, he nodded and took a deep sigh of relief. He hadn't killed Heero's laptop, the poor thing...  
  
"But why'd you take it to begin with?" Duo jumped at this question and laughed nervously, babbling endless nonsense. His ravings were stopped by a sharp glare from Heero and he coughed to try and start his explanation all over again.  
  
"Well, you see, uh...I accidentally blurted out that you have a journal on your laptop and Relena paid me this large bundle of money to hack into your computer and find out stuff about your personal life from it. And since I'm not exactly well paid whereever I work, I took up on the offer 'cause I thought I'd be in and out, but then I felt really tired and took a nap on the willow. I mean, I was kinda curious myself too, since you don't really SAY anything about, well everything!" Duo took a pause from his speech and glanced over at Heero to register his reaction, which he was hoping wasn't anger directed at him. But it was blank. "Heero, buddy are you okay?"  
  
Heero was hyperventilating, his eyes diluted and blank. He looked like he was going to faint. "But you didn't read anything right?" The malice in his voice was a sharp contrast to the paleness of his face.  
  
"Uh...well, not yet. I had just broken the code and then went to sleep." Duo grinned sheepishly and took and step back. This just seemed like one of the times where it was proper to back away slowly so that you wouldn't get hurt...  
  
But then, Heero snapped back to reality. And something dawned on him. "Duo, Relena is the indirect cause behind all this." "What?" Duo looked so confused and shocked. What did Relena have to do with all this?  
  
"Duo, she told me where you were. She was the one who wanted you to steal my laptop. It's like she WANTS us to argue and keep away from each other."  
  
The braided boy fumed. "So, she thinks she can outsmart us huh? Well, I'm going over there and showing her a piece of my mind!" He clenched his fists tightly and began to walk out the room.  
  
"Wait! Duo! I have a plan!"  
  
So, two hours later, Duo and Heero were shaking hands in front of Relena's room, eyeing their handy work admirably.  
  
"You're pretty good with a katana for an American."  
  
"You've got skills that I haven't even seen WUFEI do."  
  
"Friends?"  
  
"Friends." They shook firmly and walked away from Relena's dorm. She'd be back soon and they didn't want to be too close when she screamed.  
  
Of course, that was only partially right. Upon her return with Hilde, Relena looked in and saw the heads and body parts of many of her stuffed animals hanging from the furniture. The stuffing was everywhere and it looked like someone had just broken in and stole something of value. But upon closer inspection by Hilde, nothing was missing and the only thing wrong with the scene was that Relena hadn't screamed yet. When she turned around to see why, she saw that the precious Miss Relena had already fainted in the hallway.  
  
"Damned Yuy and Maxwell..." Hilde mumbled amusedly. "They should've left some for me too. They're such spoil sports." She grinned happily to herself and decided to just leave Relena there for the time being. She'd wake up pretty soon, everyone would come out of class in just about five minutes.  
  
-Owari- I know...that sucked...there was no Quatre! *cries* C&C anyway? 


End file.
